Arguments between couples often start over specific issues but can quickly devolve into personal attacks, making resolution difficult. Instead of addressing the original problem, partners may find themselves trying to prove who is more reasonable.

Mark Travers, a psychologist specializing in couples, introduces a technique he refers to as a 'partial yield' that serves as a safeguard during disagreements. This approach helps prevent the common detours that arguments take.

A 'partial yield' involves conceding a specific part of the argument that you genuinely own, without giving up your entire stance. Examples of this might include phrases like, 'You're right, that part's on me,' or 'I shouldn't have made that decision without talking to you first.'

According to Travers, this method can rapidly de-escalate conflicts. When one partner confronts the other, they often brace for a challenging conversation. A partial yield helps release the tension that can lead to escalation, providing immediate relief for both parties.

This approach is less demanding than a full apology, which can be significant. Many individuals hesitate to admit minor faults because they fear it will lead to broader admissions of guilt. A partial yield allows for honesty without feeling like a complete capitulation.

When individuals fail to use a partial yield, unresolved issues may resurface later in unrelated arguments. Partners may keep track of grievances, leading to a buildup of resentment. Regularly conceding small faults can prevent this accumulation and keep arguments focused on the original issue.

To effectively implement a partial yield, it is important to be specific about what you are conceding. A clear acknowledgment, such as 'You're right, I shouldn't have said it like that in front of your mom,' is more effective than vague admissions. Additionally, avoid adding a 'but' to your concession, as it can negate the acknowledgment.

Timing is also crucial; the best moment to use a partial yield is early in the argument when you first recognize a small fault. This is especially important when you feel mostly right, as this is often when individuals are most reluctant to concede anything.

Travers emphasizes that genuine partial yields can distinguish couples who effectively resolve problems from those who become mired in personal conflicts. Mark Travers, Ph.D., is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy and has degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder.